The contribution we can all make is to pass on correct information about HIV and share knowledge about where people can go for help

This is not a situation for making a hard and fast law. However, if we give proper information to everyone we hope that people will be willing to disclose their status themselves and allow their friends and the public at large to know that they are infected. This will help the infected to protect themselves and to protect others.

There is little to be gained from hiding from reality and pretending that the person died from another illness. HIV is here and we need to face it to beat it!

It is very difficult for people who are infected to remain optimistic and live positively when they are surrounded with messages that only talk about death. We all have a duty to try and change this and encourage messages that are more realistic. Today it may be others, but tomorrow you too could find yourself caring for someone with AIDS or even infected.

Dear Auntie Stella

I’m 19 years old with one daughter aged three years. My boyfriend was older – he left me when I got pregnant but I know he is very sick now from AIDS. I stay in the rural areas with my grandmother. We grow some maize when there is rain and also I sell kapenta (dried fish). But the money is not enough.

Mostly I am OK but last year I started losing weight and sometimes I feel weak and tired. A few months ago, my aunt took me to the clinic to have an HIV test. It was then that I found out I was HIV positive.

One woman in our church told me there are some drugs called ARVs that can make you better, but she said they are expensive.

Even so, I would like to get these pills. My biggest worry is who will look after my child when I die, because my grandmother is old and sometimes sick. I want to see my daughter go to school and be happy and well.

If there is somewhere I can find this medicine, please tell me, auntie.

Thandiwe

ANSWER (also in a letter format)

Dear Thandiwe

Yes, antiretrovirals (ARVs for short) can help people with AIDS. They do not get rid of HIV but they stop it from growing, allowing your immune system (which fights infections) to become strong again. And yes, they are expensive. But the price is slowly coming down as they are now produced in some African countries.

However, ARVs are powerful and complicated, and people usually only start using them when they are quite sick. You must NEVER take them without medical advice and testing. Also, you need to be sure that you can afford to stay on them for the rest of your life because it’s dangerous to start them, then stop and then start again.

Remember, too, that ARVs are not the only way to stay healthy. You can fight HIV by eating the right foods, taking vitamins and living positively. This includes treating any illnesses (called opportunistic infections) immediately.

ARVs make you feel better but HIV is still in your blood so you can still infect another person or reinfect yourself. Remember, always use a condom when having sex, or practise safer sex.

Whether you use ARVs or not, try to live a healthy life and you will have many more years to look after your daughter. Good luck!

Auntie Stella

(For complete Auntie Stella services visit www.auntiestella.org; For Swahili speakers the services are available from PASHA - Prevention and Awareness in Secondary Schools of HIV/AIDS of GTZ Tanzania)

Dear Auntie Stella

I’m a man aged 22. My mother is HIV positive and talks about it openly. She works for an AIDS organisation. ‘HIV is nothing to be ashamed of,’ she says, ‘Why should I hide it? We deserve love and acceptance.’

I was in Grade 4 when my mother told me she was HIV positive. At first I was scared she would die but now I know you can have HIV and stay well for years. My mother’s been HIV positive for over 12 years. She takes care of herself by eating good food and relaxing so she is mostly fine. She says we need to be open about HIV and AIDS and break down everybody’s fears so they’ll treat HIV positive people better.

I disagree – people have bad attitudes about AIDS so it’s not worth telling them. You can tell close family and friends, but they must keep it secret.

One thing we agree on, though, is you must tell your kids, because they find out anyway. They must know the truth and be able to talk about it.

So, Auntie, what do you think? I love my mom and I’m proud of her – but which of us is right?

Taurai

ANSWER (also in a letter format)

Dear Taurai

I can’t give you an answer about who to tell when you have HIV or AIDS; it is a big and difficult decision. Everyone must make their own choice. Some people tell nobody, others tell a close relative or friend, others tell many – and they do this at different stages. Whatever people choose is fine.

Many people feel happier when they share their feelings and some people, like your mother, are brave enough to speak out publicly. And for everybody with HIV or AIDS, having a counsellor or support group to talk to is really important.

However, until society becomes more open about HIV, telling people can have serious results, like losing your job, your friends or partner or even the place you stay. People need to balance the benefits against the possible losses for themselves personally, before they tell anyone they are HIV positive. If you have a job, you also need to learn your legal rights as an HIV positive worker.

Certainly I agree that children are usually happier when they know the truth, even if it’s sad.

So, thank you for helping many young people by being so brave and open. Your and your mother’s story will give hope to many people.

Auntie Stella

(For complete Auntie Stella services visit www.auntiestella.org; For Swahili speakers the services are available from PASHA - Prevention and Awareness in Secondary Schools of HIV/AIDS of GTZ Tanzania)