Chezasalama - Questions and Answers

Questions and Answers - Love and marriage

What if you want to wait for marriage before having sex? If you have decided not to have sex before you get married, that is a very good decision. It is your own personal right to take this decision, like all other people are also allowed to make decisions about their own lives. There is no reason to feel humiliated if your friends talk about having had sex and about how much they enjoyed it. You deserve recognition that you have managed to resist. Be aware that many adolescents who talk about sex, are just exaggerating. If your friends continue to harass you, try to explain to them why you have decided not to have sex before marriage. Explain the hazards of having sex at a young age to them. If they still continue, maybe the only solution is to choose other friends with whom you will get along better.
What is the best age to get married? Getting married means taking full responsibility for your life, and being a caring spouse. In most cases, getting married also means having children. It is very difficult to indicate the appropriate age for marriage, because different people are ready to take this responsibility at different times. Some are ready at the age of 20, while others become ready only when they get much older. Because marriage is often linked to becoming a parent, there are certain medical aspects. A girl below age 18- 20 should not bear children, because her body is not ready for childbearing. Her pelvic bones are still too narrow and the sexual organs are not strong enough. The girls vagina may be permanently injured at delivery, as it is still too small and not strong enough. Therefore, you are advised to wait to get married until the girl reaches the age, which is safe for bearing children, and until you have built a solid foundation for your future life. Before you are ready to get married, you can still have a boyfriend or a girlfriend. You can slowly get to know each others behaviour, likes and dislikes and build a solid foundation for your relationship.
What can I do to make sure my partner doesnÔøΩt have other partners and is faithful? The most important thing is to communicate closely, in order to understand the ideas and the problems of your boyfriend or girlfriend. Make sure that you are open and do not hide the truth. If you understand each other well, you can enjoy fruitful discussions. Also, you will be ready to help each other to find a solution in case one or both of you is in trouble. Together you will keep your spirits up. In order to make your relationship long-lasting, show your boyfriend or girlfriend with all your heart how much you love him or her. You yourself must abstain from having other partners and make sure your partner is aware of your fidelity. You will get to know your partner well, if you often discuss about your life. For example, you may talk about how to continue your relationship, about things you would like too after work or after studying, or about people who are close to you. If you communicate well and if you observe the behaviour of your partner towards other people, you will be able to sense whether you fully trust each other. However, if you do not manage to fully trust your friend and if you have the feeling he or she does not trust you, you should ask yourself why this is so. Could it be that the person is not the right person? Or could it be that your love is not strong enough to withstand other temptations?
Why are adolescents told not to have sex? Adolescence is the period between childhood and adulthood. During that time your body, your aspirations and your ideas change a lot. Adolescence is the time your body matures and it is the time you lay a foundation for your future life. Adolescents are told not to have sex, because of the many problems, which can eventually arise. Firstly, young people who spend all the time thinking about their love life use time and energy, which they could use for things that improve their future life, such as studying, working, collaborating in youth groups or doing physical exercise. Secondly, getting pregnant at a young age involves a lot of problems, one of which is being expelled from school or being outcast by society. In addition, it is dangerous for the health of the girl, because her body is not yet ready to bear children. Thirdly, adolescents have neither built the foundation for life, nor are they ready to be fully responsible for their own life. Another reason for adolescents not to have sex is the danger of getting infected with a sexually transmitted disease or even HIV/AIDS. These diseases can cause a lot of pain, infertility or even death. If you think about all these reasons, you will realise that having sex at a young age may endanger your well being and interfere with the goals of your life. If adolescents are asked not to have sex, it is because society wants to protect them from running into trouble. However, if in any case you can not abstain from having sex, make sure that you protect yourself by using a condom!
People say it is good to know the person one I will marry, but how can I get to know her or him, if we live far away from each other? Even if you live far away from each other you can make a thorough investigation into the behaviour of the other person.You can ask him or her questions about his or her family life. Try to communicate intensely with the person and to ask questions which make him or her explain himself or herself well.Also,you can ask questions to people who live close to him or her. If you are doing such an investigation ,it is important that you know the desired characteristics you are looking for in that person. Such investigations can help you to get to know the characteristics of your friend, however, they are not a total replacement for you meeting the person. You still need to spend time with your friend ,in order to get to know him or her and in order to build up your relationship. However, it is imporatant to remember thet behaviuor is not very easy to disclose and to explain openly,especially if you are in love it is sometimes get difficult. In addition, the behaviour of a person can change when he or she is growing older.
How can I withhold temptations from others to have sex, especially from older people? Many young people caught up with serious problem s, such as teenage pregnancies,abortions,sexually transimmited diseases or even HIV/AIDS because they accept presents from others without understanding the reason for these presents. Some men use money toin order to seduce girls get used to getting money to satisfy their daily needs. These days some women have even started to seduce boys. Therefore it is very important for both boys and girls to be careful and to always ask themselves why a present is being offerred. Also ,think about the benefits and the dangers of having sex,whenever you are tempted to go for it. Remembering the dangers of having sex will give you the strength to say ÔøΩnoÔøΩ and to avoid the temptation.
How can I make sure that a relationship is long lasting The first step towards creating a long lasting relationship between a boy and girl is to build a good foundation for the relationship. Therefore when you choose a boyfriend or a girlfriend, try to find a person with whom you can tal and discuss openly without getting into arguments. L ook for someono approximately the age as you . Try to find a person who likes to do similar things as you do. Choose a person who can understand your problems and who is ready to help you to find solutions. Find a person who respects you, as well as his or her elders, and a person whom you really trust. The relationship between you and your patner has to be cared for again and again.It is not enough to choose the right person in the beginning, you also have to continue talking to each other, discussing important issues and working together to find solutions for whatever problems arise. Like this ,you may create a long-lasting relationship.
People have sex to have children. What is the purpose of having sex if you do not want children ? It is true that one one of the purposes of having sex is to have children.But that is not the only reason. Other reasons are enjoyment,excitement,getting your mind off other things, as well as building a lasting relationship and getting the feeling that you both need and love each other. Nevertheless ,it is important for a couple to keep family planning in mind . Inorder for sexual intercourse to be really enjoyable and in order to avoid having a child you will not be able to take care of,you must practise family planning.Use contraceptive methods,if you want to avoid pregnancy!
Who should put work on putting on the condom, the man or the woman? Whether it is the man who places the condom on the penis or be it the woman who helps putting it on, fully depends on the decision-making of the two people having sex. Both can put it on the penis while having sex and both can also buy the condom from the shop.
If I use condoms every time I have sex can I still get sexual transmitted diseases? The bacteria and viruses of sexual transmitted diseases are in the seminal fluid. So if you use a condom every time you have sex, you can avoid being infected with sexual transmitted diseases, because seminal fluid can not pass through a condom. If you use condoms properly, you are safe from being infected.
How can I withstand the temptation to have sex without condoms? How can I withstand the temptation to have sex without condoms? Sometime it is not easy to withstand the temptation to have sex without condoms because of pressure from your lover. But remember that it is often not easy to recognize whether someone has a sexual transmitted diseases and therefore you can not easily make sure that your lover does not have any sexual transmitted diseases or even HIV/AIDS. You can not know how many people your lover had already had sex with in her or his life, and your lover can not know if you already had sex with someone else. Each time you are having sex involves the possibility of getting a sexually transmitted disease. Therefore discuss with your lover and agree with him or her about the necessity of using condoms when having sex, in order to get protected both of you. If your partner tells you that she does not have any such diseases, tell him or her that there is no such certainty of not being infected with HIV/AIDS until you both undergo blood test. If one of you has not had test yet there is a chance of carrying the virus. Do not agree to not use a condom because you can endanger your life.
What qualities should I look for when looking for a person to get married to? Choosing the right person to get married to is one of the decisions which must be made very carefully. Ideally your partner is someone you choose for your entire life.Whilst choosing each person has his or her own ideas of what is important to look for. And often emotions are stronger than rational decision-making. Nevertheless, there are certain helpful guidelines for choosing a boyfriend or girlfriend.Try to choose a person who respects you and his or her elders,and a person whom you can trust. Select a person you can talk to with whom you can debate and discuss without getting into arguements. Look for someone approximately the same age as you.Try to find a person who likes to do similar things you do. Choose a person who can understand your problems and who is ready to help you to find solutions. Also consider the health of the person. Inform your parents whom you have chosen as your boyfriend or girlfriend and introduce the person to your parents at the same time try to get to know his or her parents. DonÔøΩt rush things, take your time to get to know and understand your boyfriend or girlfriend well.