Chezasalama - Questions and Answers

Questions and Answers - Pregnancy

Whose fault is it if a couple has only boys or only girls?
No one can be blamed if a couple has only boys or only girls, because the sex of the baby is determined by chance and there is no way human beings can influence it. As we saw above, the man has two types of sperm.One type leads to the creation of a baby girl and the other one to the creation of a baby boy. The man cannot influence which type of sperm will fertilise the egg.

Therefore, although the sperm of the man determines the sex of the child, he cannot be blamed, because it is beyond his capacity to decide on the type of sperm to fertilise the egg.

Can a girl get pregnant from only having sex once?
Yes, a girl can get pregnant, if she has only had sex once. It depends on the menstrual cycle. If there is a ripe egg released from the ovaries of the girl, ready to be fertilised and that same day the girl has sex with a man, she can get pregnant. This also applies, if she is having sex for the first time in her life.

Can I get pregnant if I have sex before I have even started to menstruate?
Yes, a girl can get pregnant before she has had her first period ever, that is before ever having seen her menstrual blood. For sure you ask yourself why.

Before seeing the menstrual blood, an egg ripens in the ovaries of the girl and it moves from the ovaries towards the uterus. The menstruation is the sign that this ripe egg has not been fertilised and therefore it leaves the body through the vagina together with the lining of the uterus.

That means that, even if a girl has not yet had her first period ever, an egg may have started to ripen in her ovaries. This egg can be fertilised and the girl can get pregnant, even if she has never seen her menstrual blood in her life.

Can I get pregnant if I have sex whilst I have my period?
For a woman to get pregnant a ripe egg has to unite with a sperm from a man. A ripe egg, which is not fertilised, dies and at the same time the lining, which developed in the uterus to receive the fertilised egg breaks down. The egg and the lining then move through the vagina together as menstrual blood.

Menstruation is a sign that the egg has not been fertilised and therefore died. Normally, there is no other egg ready to be fertilised at the time of the menstruation and in this case there is no danger of getting pregnant. However, sometimes mistakes happen in the menstrual cycle and there is a ripe egg ready to be fertilised, in spite of you having your period. Although it is not very common, it is possible to get pregnant even if you have your menstruation.

Is there a safe way to have an abortion?
The danger of having problems depends on the circumstances under which the abortion is conducted. If it is in a hospital under the care of trained health staff and if the environment and all the instruments are clean, there is a high probability of having a safe abortion. However, even in a safe environment problems can arise.

It is most important to remember that it is very dangerous to let an untrained person perform the abortion or to try doing it oneself. Women who try to perform the abortion themselves are very likely to get an infection of their sexual organs and some of them even injure the uterus. Many problems related to abortion are very serious, like for example an injured uterus, an untreated infection of the sexual organs, severe bleeding, infertility or even the death of the woman.

Therefore it is better and safer to prevent abortions. Abortions can be prevented by avoiding unplanned pregnancies, either by not having sex or by using family planning methods.

What are the reasons that a woman might give birth to a disabled baby?
There are different types of disability and there are also different reasons for disability. Disability of the child can be caused at three different stages, namely during conception, during pregnancy and at delivery.

For a baby to be conceived, many processes have to happen at the right time. The process of unification between a ripe egg and a sperm is something complicated and mistakes can happen. Such mistakes are not preventable and are largely due to bad luck.

One major reason for disability is if a woman falls seriously sick during pregnancy. For example, if a woman has malaria and she has to take strong medicine, either the disease itself or the use of drugs can harm the baby who is growing in the uterus. Malaria is one of the major reasons for miscarriage and the unborn baby being disabled. Women are strongly advised to be very careful in order not to be infected with malaria during pregnancy. Another reason for disability is drug abuse, excessive drinking or smoking during pregnancy. These things harm the human body, especially unborn babies.

In some cases, disability of the child is caused during delivery. Therefore it is most important that you make sure you are attended to by a skilled birth attendant, who is aware of dangers and can react accordingly.

If I only have sex on the 'safe days' can I avoid getting pregnant?
Safe days are days on which there is no egg ready to be fertilised.

If a woman has sex only on such days, when no egg is ready to be fertilised, she can also avoid becoming pregnant. However, this requires that she knows exactly when the egg is ready to be fertilised.

As most young girls have very irregular periods, it is very difficult to know when there is an egg ready to be fertilised. A girl's menstrual cycle can easily be affected by stress, sorrow, travelling or other changes in a girl's life. Even if a girl has had a regular period for some time, it may suddenly become irregular.

Therefore, counting days is not a safe way of avoiding pregnancy. Especially for girls there are no "safe days" from pregnancy, because their menstrual cycle tends to be even less regular than the one of adult women!

Can a woman get pregnant while breast- feeding?
In the first six month after giving birth to a child, a breast-feeding woman is protected from getting pregnant to a large extent. However, that requires that the woman breast-feeds the child intensively (the child suckles frequently and receives breast milk only) and that her menstrual cycle has not yet started again. If a woman starts to menstruate again or if the child receives any food other than breast milk, the woman can get pregnant again. She is therefore advised to use family planning in order to avoid having another child too soon.

An egg is fertilized by one sperm only, but where do the others go?
It is true that an egg is fertilized by one sperm only, which penetrates into the egg. The remaining sperm dies and leaves the body through the vagina, because it has no further purpose. It is recommended to wash oneÔøΩs private parts after having sex.

How can I influence the sex of the child to be born?
A baby starts to grow, if the egg of the woman is fertilized by sperm from the man. The sex of the child depends on the type of the sperm. Half of the sperms of a man results in a baby boy and half of the sperm results in a baby girl. However, men have no way of determining which sperm will fertilize the egg. Therefore, there is no way of influencing the sex of the child.

How come some women have twins?
There are two types of twins, those who look the same and those who do not look the same. About 25% of all twins are twins who look the same. This means that they grew out of one egg, which split into two different clusters of cells, both of which later developed into a baby. Until now the scientists do not fully understand, why some eggs split up. As they are created from the same egg, twins of this type are always the same sex and they look very similar.

Twins who do not look like one another are caused by a simultaneous release of an egg in each ovary of the woman. Both eggs are fertilized; each one by a separate sperm from the man and two babies start to grow at the same time in the uterus. Except for growing in the same womb and being the same age, these twins are like any other children of these same parents. They can be of a different sex and have completely different characteristics to each other.

What are the causes of miscarriage and what actually happens?
About 10% to 20% of all pregnancies are miscarriages and many miscarriages happen in the first 12 weeks of the pregnancy. The main reasons for miscarriages are problems with or damage to the fertilized egg. If such an egg continued to grow, the result would be a mentally or physically disabled child. Therefore, a miscarriage can be a natural way of solving such problems.
Additionally, miscarriages can happen if a woman falls badly or if she has any problem with her sexual organs. The signs of miscarriage are bleeding from the vagina and strong pains in the abdomen.

When exactly during the menstrual cycle ca an egg be fertilized?
A ripen egg is released 14 days before the onset of the next period after being released from the left or from the right ovary it moves through the fallopian tubes toward the uterus. If an egg unites with a sperm from the man while moving through the fallopian tubes, it can be fertilized. That is possible, if a woman has sex a few days before the egg is released.
Since most young girls have irregular periods, it is almost impossible for them to know the date of their next period. Therefore it is also difficult to know when there is an egg ready to be fertilized.
A girlÔøΩs menstrual cycle can easily be affected by stress, sorrow, traveling or other changes in a girlÔøΩs life. Even if a girl has had regular periods for some time, they may suddenly become irregular. Most women and especially young girls cannot rely on counting days to avoid pregnancies, as they can never really know whether there is an egg ready to be fertilized or not. There are no ÔøΩsafe daysÔøΩ from pregnancy.

Are there any dangers if a pregnant woman has sex with a partner?
If none of the two partners has sexually transmitted disease, there is no danger if a pregnant woman has sex with her partner. The uterus is closed completely and the baby is protected well, so that the sperm of the man can, under no circumstance, reach the baby.
However, it is recommended that the two partners are careful and that the belly of the woman is not put under too much pressure. Sometimes women do not feel like having sex, especially in the last part of the pregnancy. If a woman has such feelings, her partner is asked to respect it.
In addition, if the woman is infected with a sexually transmitted disease, having sex during her pregnancy can be very dangerous for her and for the unborn baby. If a couple has sex during pregnancy, they have to make sure that none of them has sexually transmitted diseases and/or they should use a condom for protection. In case of any doubts, they must consult a doctor for an examination.

What are the first signs of pregnancy?
One of the clearest signs is not menstruating. If a woman does not have a period as usual after having had sex with a man without using any contraceptives, it is often a sign of her being pregnant.
Another sign of pregnancy is swelling or tenderness of the breasts. Some women grow more pubic hair on the lower belly and for many the colour of the area around the nipples of the breasts becomes darker. Also, about half of all pregnant women feel sick and some vomit. Many women need to pass urine more frequently; some feel tired and dizzy, especially in the first three months. Sometimes women have strong desires or dislikes for specific foods.
If a woman has any doubts, she should go for a urine test at the clinic in order to find out whether she is pregnant or not.

Can a woman be infertile, even if she has her periods?
Yes, even a woman who has her periods regularly can be infertile, as much as a woman who does not have her periods regularly can be fertile.
There is a certain connection between menstruation and the capability of getting pregnant. Having regular periods is a sign that a woman most probably has regular ovulation. However, there is no certainty that her fallopian tubes properly transport the egg from the ovary to the uterus. Therefore, even a woman who has regular periods can be infertile.
In order for a woman to be sure, whether she is infertile or not, she must consult a doctor for an examination.

What is the cause of the infertility of a man?
Infertility means that man is incapable of making a woman pregnant . there are many things, which can cause infertility.
Many infertile men are born infertile and not much can be done about it. In these cases, infertility is caused by defects of sexual organs of the man. Such defects are, for example , not being able to produce sperm or insufficient production of sperm. In addition, sexual parts can be impaired by deseases and the seminal canals can be blocked as a consequene of having had a sexually transimitted desease, such as gonorrhoea or syphilis. Yet another reason for infertility is the inability to have erections, which can be caused by sexually transimitted diseases, as well as by emotional and psychological distress. Many of those conditions cannot be cured and they cause the man to be permanently infertile.
However, there are also other, more temporary reasons for infertility, such as illness, excessive drinking, drug abuse, an unhealthy diet, sorrow and grief. Some of these conditions can be changed, as for example the use of drugs or emotional distress and the man will regain his usual capability of making a woman pregnant.

Can a man realize he made a woman pregnant the same day they had sex together?
No, there is no way of knowing if woman has become pregnant the same day as they had sex. It takes a certain time for the signs of pregnancy to be seen in the body.
If a woman wants to go to the clinic for the pregnancy test, she should first calculate on which day she would have expected to have her period. If she has not had her period after the usual duration of her menstrual cycle, she should go to the clinic. Pregnancy becomes visible in the urine the day the woman would normally have had her period. If a woman goes for a pregnancy test before that day, it is impossible to find out whether she is pregnant or not.

Where does the bag of water (embryonic sac) surrounding a baby in its motherÔøΩs womb come from?
The bag of water (embryonic sac) surrounding the baby during pregnancy is created within the uterus .This happens in the very beginning of the pregnancy when the fertilized egg settles in the lining of the uterus. The bag of water is the place the baby grows until it is born. The bag of water protects the growing baby from hazards and distress.

Can people using drugs get children?
Yes, this is possible. But you have to consider that people who use drugs regularly tend to be physically and psychologically weak and may thus not be in a good position to care for a child. They often neglect their own health. They lack motivation and spend a lot of time concentrating on their drug abuse, for which they spend a lot of money. This is not a very conducive environment for raising children.

What do I do? I don‚Äôt want this baby!
THE FULL QUESTION (in a format of a letter to Auntie Stella)

Dear Auntie Stella

I‚Äôm 16 years old, still at school and pregnant! I want to kill myself. I only had sex with my boyfriend a few times and yet it still happened. I told my boyfriend but he just says how does he know it‚Äôs his. He won‚Äôt even talk to me. If I tell my parents they‚Äôll kick me out. My mother works hard to pay my school fees. She‚Äôll be so angry that I have done this.

I really don‚Äôt want this baby and I don‚Äôt want to end my studies. I‚Äôm desperate but I can‚Äôt tell anybody. The only solution I can think of is to find someone who can get rid of the pregnancy, but I‚Äôm scared and I don‚Äôt have any money to pay. Please help me decide what to do.

Priscilla

ANSWER (also in a letter format)

Dear Priscilla

I am sorry this has happened. But you‚Äôre not alone so please don‚Äôt harm yourself or the baby. Talk to someone you trust in your family or in your community. This person can help you tell your parents. Your parents will probably be shocked or angry at first, but parents usually help you later.

These are your options:
- Keep your baby with support from your family and, hopefully, your boyfriend. You can continue your studies when the baby is older. Or someone in your family may be happy to look after the baby while you continue with your schooling.
- Give the baby up for adoption. This way, someone who really wants a baby will have the joy of bringing up your child. Organisations can arrange this for you.

Please, Priscilla, don‚Äôt have an illegal abortion. They are VERY DANGEROUS and can cause infertility or death. Don‚Äôt put anything into your vagina, or let anybody else do this. And don‚Äôt think about dumping your baby; it is illegal and will only make you feel guilty and sad.
Think carefully before you act. I hope you get the support you need.

Good luck.

Auntie Stella

(For complete Auntie Stella services visit www.auntiestella.org; For Swahili speakers the services are available from PASHA - Prevention and Awareness in Secondary Schools of HIV/AIDS of GTZ Tanzania)

Our teacher got my friend pregnant. What do I do?
THE FULL QUESTION (in a format of a letter to Auntie Stella)

Dear Auntie Stella

I‚Äôm a 17 year old girl writing O levels this year. My good friend, Loveness, who is 16, was in my class until last month. Last term, our maths teacher offered her extra lessons because she wasn‚Äôt doing well. But after a few lessons he proposed love to her. She couldn‚Äôt say no ‚Äì he was her teacher and she was afraid he‚Äôd blame her. She fell pregnant and was expelled from school. But the teacher hasn‚Äôt been punished at all.

Me and my friends don‚Äôt think this is fair! Why is it just Loveness who got punished? Surely the teacher is even more to blame? We are having a meeting to discuss what to do. We want this teacher to be punished. We want Loveness to be allowed back to write her O Levels. We are thinking of writing a petition to the school board.

Some people think we can‚Äôt interfere because the school and parents will decide what to do about the teacher. But what if they do nothing? We believe that what we are doing is right but they say it is none of our business. What do you think, Auntie?

Cynthia

ANSWER (also in a letter format)

Dear Cynthia

Good for you! I‚Äôm really proud of you and your classmates. It takes courage to stand up for what you think is right. Unfortunately, I‚Äôve heard many other stories like this.

Remember that although your aim is to help Loveness, you are also trying to change the way the school system deals with teachers who abuse their students. This is not an easy task.

Try to get as many people as possible to support your efforts and sign your petition ‚Äì students, teachers, parents, youth and women‚Äôs organisations, other people in your community and especially people who are respected and have influence (like community leaders, political leaders, and business people). Send a letter to local and national newspapers so other people and organisations know what you are doing.

The more people who are behind you, the more likely the School Board will listen.

Another thing ‚Äì don‚Äôt worry if you don‚Äôt succeed immediately. Change often comes about quite slowly. Don‚Äôt feel defeated if you don‚Äôt succeed this time. Every action, however small, which tries to change something bad, is already a victory.

Auntie Stella