Click on an question below to see the answer!

	Can the boy's penis get stuck during sex?
	Do old people still have sex?
	Why does the vagina get wet, when the penis touches it?
	Sex before maturity
	How can you tell whether a boy or a girl is virgin?
	Are there problems in staying virgin for so long?
	What can I do if I want to have safe sex?
	What can I do if I want to make sure I have sex without any risk?
	What should I do about always wanting to have sex?
	Should I sleep with him?
	I pay for lunch, don’t I deserve sex?
	Why are adolescents told not to have sex?
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Can the boy's penis get stuck during sex? It is impossible that a penis can get stuck in the vagina, because the vagina is made from skin that can stretch like elastic. Remember that the vagina can expand sufficiently for giving birth to a child. So even if you have a big penis, you cannot get stuck in a vagina. Back to top
Do old people still have sex? Yes, it is possible for people aged sixty to still have sex, however it depends on the couple. Some still have the desire and the energy to have sex, others are already exhausted or have no sexual desire any more. Every individual has his or her own time to stop having sex. Back to top
Why does the vagina get wet, when the penis touches it? If the penis and the vagina touch each other or rub against each other, people get sexually excited. If a woman’s vagina gets wet after being rubbed by the penis, it is a sign that she is sexually aroused. This fluid also smoothens the way for the penis to penetrate into the vagina. The source of this fluid is special glands within the vagina. Back to top
Sex before maturity When adolescents who had had sex before maturing were asked what they felt while having sex, they all agreed that they did not feel anything nice or special. They just did it without really liking it. And most of them said that they did it, because others did it and because they felt pressure to also try it out. By postponing sex until you have matured into a responsible adult you do not miss anything. Back to top
How can you tell whether a boy or a girl is virgin? A boy cannot find out whether a girl is still a virgin, neither by looking at her, nor by having penetrative sex with her. This is, because virginity is defined as not having had sex and it is not determined by the existence of the membrane in the vagina. A girl for example, who has abstained from sex but whose membrane has torn for another reason, is still a virgin. The only way of knowing whether a girl is a virgin, is to know everything she has done in her life, and this, indeed is impossible. A girl can know that she herself is a virgin, if she has not had sex. Sex here means that the penis of the man penetrated into the vagina of the woman or girl. Back to top
Are there problems in staying virgin for so long? The membrane in the vagina stays very thin and soft, even if a woman has remained a virgin for a long time. Therefore there is no need to worry about not being able to tear the membrane, even if you wait a long time before you have sexual intercourse for the first time. Back to top
What can I do if I want to have safe sex? Safe sex is sex which does not involve any risk of unplanned pregnancies, sexually transmitted diseases or HIV/AIDS. Safer sex on the one hand includes physical contacts, which do not involve the penetration of the penis in the vagina. On the other hand it includes penetrative sex, if the required safety precautions are taken. Some means of satisfying sexual desire without the penetration of the penis into the vagina include kissing, cuddling, holding hands and masturbation. All those things are perfectly safe. If you have sexual intercourse (penetration of the penis into vagina), you must make sure that you take the necessary safety precautions. One precaution may be that you are totally faithful to each other. This however requires that you both were not infected with any disease the first time you had sex. Another precaution is to use a condom. Condoms can prevent pregnancies, as well as sexually transmitted diseases. Back to top
What can I do if I want to make sure I have sex without any risk? Safe sex is sex, which does not involve any risk of unplanned pregnancies, sexually transmitted diseases or HIV/AIDS. Safer sex on the one hand includes physical contacts, which do not involve the penetration of the penis in the vagina. On the other hand it includes penetrative sex, if the required safety precautions are taken. Some means of satisfying sexual desire without the penetration of the penis into the vagina include kissing, cuddling, holding hands and masturbation. All those things are perfectly safe. If you have sexual intercourse (penetration of the penis into vagina), you must make sure that you take the necessary safety precautions. One precaution may be that you are totally faithful to each other. This however requires that you both were not infected with any disease the first time you had sex. Another precaution is to use a condom. Condoms can prevent pregnancies, as well as sexually transmitted diseases. Back to top
What should I do about always wanting to have sex? For many young people it is not easy to know what to do about the feeling of wanting to have sex. You can try to distract yourself and to get involved in other activities, such as physical exercise, studying, helping at home or joining a community youth group. Some young people take a cold shower to cool down their sexual feelings. Having sexual feelings or an erection does not mean that you must have sex. Sexual intercourse is only one way of expressing sexual feelings, but there are many other ways. For example talking to each other, holding hands, cuddling, kissing and touching each other. Another way of coping with those sexual feelings is to masturbate. Masturbation is when a girl softly rubs her own clitoris until she feels sexual excitement or when a boy rubs his own penis until he ejaculates. Most people who masturbate prefer to do so, when they are alone. Masturbation has no negative consequences, neither for your health nor for you mind. If under no circumstance you can abstain from having sex, make sure you have safe sex. Safe sex is sex, which does not involve any risk of unplanned pregnancies, sexually transmitted diseases or HIV/AIDS. Safer sex on the one hand includes physical contacts, which do not involve the penetration of the penis into the vagina. On the other hand it includes penetrative sex, if the required safety precautions are taken (that is using a condom). Back to top
Should I sleep with him? QUESTION:Dear Auntie Stella, I am a 17-year-old girl and I am in love with a boy two years older than me. My problem is that he always wants me to satisfy him in ways that hurt my feelings. We kiss and hug which I like very much but I don’t let him have sex with me. He says he’ll go blind if I continue to make him stop half-way. My girlfriends tell me that if I want to keep him, I have to have sex with him. I’m worried that he will sleep with other girls if I say no, so should I sleep with him? He says everyone has sex at our age. Zandile ANSWER: Dear Zandile, It’s hard when two people want different things from each other but, as the elders say: ubude abuphangwa (don’t rush into doing something before you’re ready). Many people decide to wait until they are older or married to have sex and there are many advantages to this decision. When you are older, you are emotionally more ready to have a relationship. Also, if you don’t have sex, you are not at risk from STIs, HIV and unplanned pregnancies. In the meantime, it’s good that the two of you can hug and kiss and then stop. This is a wonderful way of showing how much you love each other. Don’t worry, boys – and girls – can stop any time with no ill-effects. However, many young people believe that once you start touching and kissing you end up having sex, so it’s better to spend time together with friends, instead of alone cuddling and kissing. In the end young people must decide what is right for them without pressure from anyone else. Talk to your boyfriend. If he truly loves you, he will understand. If you decide to have sex later, be sure to use a condom. Talk about this before – it’s harder if you leave it to the last minute. Remember, girls can also get and carry male or female condoms. Good luck. Auntie Stella (Adopted from www.auntiestella.org) Back to top
I pay for lunch, don’t I deserve sex? THE FULL QUESTION (in a format of a letter to Auntie Stella) Dear Auntie Stella I am a boy at school and I want to have sex with my girlfriend. I buy her lunch at school, pay bus fare and sometimes even give her gifts but she won’t have sex with me. My friends say that other girls do this. Why can’t she give me sex to say thank you for the things I do for her? Themba ANSWER (also in a letter format) Dear Themba It’s difficult when people want different things from a relationship, and it seems that sex is more important to you than to your girlfriend. However, very few girls want to rush into sex. They are unhappy when boys treat them like property and expect to buy sex from them in return for gifts and money. Many girls and boys prefer to avoid the problems that arise from having sex when you are still a teenager. They don’t want to be worrying about pregnancy, STIs and HIV so they choose to abstain until they are older. Think about a good relationship – is it just a way to get sex, or do you want to be with a real friend who cares about you? If you want this kind of friendship and love you need to think about what your girlfriend wants. Don’t pressure her into having sex; she doesn’t want to. Some people might still treat girls differently from boys, but attitudes are generally changing now. Boys and girls are treated as equals. I hope you’ll have the courage to treat your girlfriend as your equal in the future and that you will be happy together. Auntie Stella (For complete Auntie Stella services visit www.auntiestella.org; For Swahili speakers the services are available from PASHA - Prevention and Awareness in Secondary Schools of HIV/AIDS of GTZ Tanzania) Back to top
Why are adolescents told not to have sex? Adolescence is the period between childhood and adulthood. During that time your body, your aspirations and your ideas change a lot. Adolescence is the time your body matures and it is the time you lay a foundation for your future life. Adolescents are told not to have sex, because of the many problems that can eventually arise. Firstly, young people who spend all the time thinking about their love life use time and energy, which they could use for things that improve their future life, such as studying, working, collaborating in youth groups or doing physical exercise. Secondly, getting pregnant at a young age involves a lot of problems, one of which is being expelled from school or being outcast by society. In addition, it is dangerous for the health of the girl, because her body is not yet ready to bear children. Thirdly, adolescents have neither built the foundation for life, nor are they ready to be fully responsible for their own life. Another reason for adolescents not to have sex is the danger of getting infected with a sexually transmitted disease or even HIV. These diseases can cause a lot of pain, infertility or even death. If you think about all these reasons, you will realise that having sex at a young age may endanger your well-being and interfere with the goals of your life. If adolescents are asked not to have sex, its because society wants to protect them from running into trouble. However, if in any case you cannot abstain from having sex, make sure that you protect yourself and your partner by using a condom! Back to top
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